Voices
All the voices in my head had nowhere to go. They are constantly talking and supplying me different sorts of emotions. Usually I just let them talk as they want. Ever since I met him, these voices found their place to go. He is my best friend and my boyfriend, so naturally I talk to him pretty much about everything on my mind. Whatever that I am going through, whatever that I feel at that moment, I will tell him. So today I went out for lunch with my friends, which he also knows. They asked me a lot of things about him, so I answer to most of those questions. However, when those questions slowly become invasive to me, my emotions kicked in. I was a little bit upset over the conversation despite the topic has been raised for a lot of times. I just had to tell him. I told him whatever we were saying and when I got home, talked to him about that, I made him upset too. He felt so insecure that I hate myself for repeating all these things over and over again.
Honestly, I am thankful for him putting me through emotional moments like these because from there I know how much he trusts me and how much he loves me. Despite the truth really hurts, I appreciate his honesty and I admire his strength for staying by my side watching me break down into pieces and patch me back again. Amidst all these sad stories, I love him a lot. And I will never want to make him feel insecure over things like that. He is afraid of me thinking that I made the wrong choice and leave him someday. I am afraid of the same thing too, that he felt that he could no longer handle my negativity and my shits, and leaves me. We are dumb like that, we are afraid of each other leaving and the thought of it made me cry. I did not know telling him all these will make him feel insecure to this extent that I think I should not say all that again, ever, to other people. Past is past, I really need to get my shit together for us. He loves me so much that he feels so guilty putting me through all that. I want him to know that I appreciate him a fucking load to deal with my emotional breakdowns too. He did not have to put himself through all that, yet he has the patience to talk me through and guide me. I am forever grateful for that.
You know what? I am tearing up again because of how I put him through my negativity and that guilt-inducing stories. What my friends say is all bullshit, I need not let it affect me so much. Now that we are together, there's nothing to worry about with the past. What more important is maintaining this relationship and keeping each other company.
GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER DUMBASS PRH, HE'S TRYING SO HARD SO DON'T FUCK THIS UP!
I won't give up. I love him a lot and that's why I choose to accept him as a person, regardless of his past, his present or his future. But I will make sure to guide him when he needs it, and just be the happy girl he loves.
Oh and also, I need to fucking learn to be independent. He does not need that negativity. There are a lot of things that I have to digest first before saying it out without filter. Just because he says he will listen does not mean he needs to listen to every single shit. He needs some alone time. Yes he is the central of my entire social network, as in I would tell him everything and by everything means LITERALLY everything. I need to stop, let him talk, make sure I don't annoy him even though he did not say that. BUT JUST BE INDEPENDENT GOD DAMN IT. I have twitter, I have this space, whatever that is, I can just talk about it here, rant here.
To voices in my head:
BE INDEPENDENT YOU SHITHEAD PRH. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!
Honestly, I am thankful for him putting me through emotional moments like these because from there I know how much he trusts me and how much he loves me. Despite the truth really hurts, I appreciate his honesty and I admire his strength for staying by my side watching me break down into pieces and patch me back again. Amidst all these sad stories, I love him a lot. And I will never want to make him feel insecure over things like that. He is afraid of me thinking that I made the wrong choice and leave him someday. I am afraid of the same thing too, that he felt that he could no longer handle my negativity and my shits, and leaves me. We are dumb like that, we are afraid of each other leaving and the thought of it made me cry. I did not know telling him all these will make him feel insecure to this extent that I think I should not say all that again, ever, to other people. Past is past, I really need to get my shit together for us. He loves me so much that he feels so guilty putting me through all that. I want him to know that I appreciate him a fucking load to deal with my emotional breakdowns too. He did not have to put himself through all that, yet he has the patience to talk me through and guide me. I am forever grateful for that.
You know what? I am tearing up again because of how I put him through my negativity and that guilt-inducing stories. What my friends say is all bullshit, I need not let it affect me so much. Now that we are together, there's nothing to worry about with the past. What more important is maintaining this relationship and keeping each other company.
GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER DUMBASS PRH, HE'S TRYING SO HARD SO DON'T FUCK THIS UP!
I won't give up. I love him a lot and that's why I choose to accept him as a person, regardless of his past, his present or his future. But I will make sure to guide him when he needs it, and just be the happy girl he loves.
Oh and also, I need to fucking learn to be independent. He does not need that negativity. There are a lot of things that I have to digest first before saying it out without filter. Just because he says he will listen does not mean he needs to listen to every single shit. He needs some alone time. Yes he is the central of my entire social network, as in I would tell him everything and by everything means LITERALLY everything. I need to stop, let him talk, make sure I don't annoy him even though he did not say that. BUT JUST BE INDEPENDENT GOD DAMN IT. I have twitter, I have this space, whatever that is, I can just talk about it here, rant here.
To voices in my head:
BE INDEPENDENT YOU SHITHEAD PRH. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!
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